


I wish I could forgive you, but don't forget you killed me

by DieroteRosine



Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Belphegor just wants MC to forgive him, Character Death, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Hallucinations, Happy Ending, Insomnia, MC struggles with Belphegor, Mentions of Death, Multi, Panic Attacks, Protective Demon Brothers, Reader-Insert, Sleepwalking, Spoilers for Chapter 16, Thoughts about death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:20:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25695703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DieroteRosine/pseuds/DieroteRosine
Summary: Two weeks had passed since Belphegor's liberation and something didn't feel quite right.It was a creeping feeling, a low voice that told you every day to stay away from him and an almost magnetic train that chased you out of the room as soon as the youngest brother entered it.Even though you've said to yourself several times that Belphegor attacked you for the simple reason that he couldn't process his sister's “death”, you still gnawed at the certainty that he had killed you._________MC struggles with Belphegor, but all he wants is for MC to forgive him. Can a little brotherly advice bring them together?
Relationships: Asmodeus (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Beelzebub (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Belphegor (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Leviathan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Lucifer (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Mammon (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader, Satan (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!) & Reader
Comments: 5
Kudos: 116





	I wish I could forgive you, but don't forget you killed me

**Author's Note:**

> This is the prompted art-raffle-prize for [anfeltyz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/anfeltyz/works) with their wish: "I would like to request a story where Beelzebub and Belphegor try and figure out how to get MC to forgive Belphegor and become comfortable with him."
> 
> I kinda changed it a bit, but I hope you'll still like it :)
> 
> Kudos and comments are as always welcome!

Two weeks had passed since Belphegor's liberation and something didn't feel quite right.

It was a creeping feeling, a low voice that told you every day to stay away from him and an almost magnetic train that chased you out of the room as soon as the youngest brother entered it.

Even though you've said to yourself several times that Belphegor attacked you for the simple reason that he couldn't process his sister's “death”, you still gnawed at the certainty that _he had killed you_ \- as strange as that may sound.

Who could claim to have seen their own death?

But what others probably saw as the reason to take a lifelong therapy session, just triggered a permanent feeling of powerlessness and depression in you.

May it be when Mammon hugged you in the evening while watching a film and almost immediately your own dying body appeared in your mind or when Beel accompanied you to the kitchen at night and his eyes flashing with disappointment flicked through your memories like an video-ad, you couldn't skip.

The cold claws of your own death didn't let go of you even after three weeks, pierced under your skin like sharp nails and sometimes provided for nights when you jolted out of bed screaming and one of the brothers came storming into your room alarmed.

Everything that expressed itself only in the form of an uneasy feeling towards the youngest brother, discharged in full force as soon as you were reasonably relaxed in bed.

The lingering thoughts, which were easily displaced during the day and only occasionally left you with goosebumps as soon as Belphegor and you were in a room, gnawed your head at night and let you live through your own death over and over again.

For the first few nights, the brothers had sat next to you until early morning, stroking your sweaty hair and whispering sweet nothings in your ear until sleep finally overwhelmed you.

But after three weeks of sleepless nights, panic attacks and screaming in the middle of the night, they just sat silently staring at you with apologetic, almost pleading eyes - as if they hoped that would make the nightmares go away and bring them back their happy, little human.

After a month, Lucifer's patience broke and he called a crisis meeting that evening with all the brothers, Solomon, the angels and the prince, including the butler.

Barbatos and Solomon had tried weeks ago to reduce the nightmares with spells and potions, but that failed as well as Simeon and Luke's attempts to use Celestial magic to let you fall into a kind of deep slumber.

As it turned out, processing their own death was almost impossible for humans, and this fact, combined with the constant confrontation with your own killer, would likely make sure that you would only calm down when you left the Devildom or would find your peace with Belphegor.

The latter became almost the most important topic of the crisis meeting and the youngest demon slumped in his chair, his hair even more tangled than ever and his face was suffering.

Ever since the day he _murdered_ you in front of his brothers, the thought of his family's horrified eyes and your stagnant breath have never let go of him.

He had been living for several thousand years now, had seen people live and die, and yet nothing in the world had ever created this emptiness in him as the moment the life spirits had left you.

At that moment he had felt nothing but anger and hatred, misunderstood and banished as he had been, but the more he repeated the scene in his head, the more he realized that he had killed _an angel_ on this meaningful evening .

The moment you had watched him from frightened yet somehow understanding eyes, formulating through your gaze that you would forgive him and your lights of life were extinguished shortly afterwards, had itself eaten into his brain like a leech and was now holding the avatar of sloth awake at night.

As his brothers watched over your sleep like statues, the youngest demon lord tormented himself night after night, rolling around in bed until he only stared at the ceiling in silence and his eyes burned with tiredness.

Whichever way you look at it, Belphegor and you made each other sick and while your body became weaker and more exhausted every day, fear spilled into everyday life and your grades slipped to the bottom, Belphegor soon no longer dared to leave the room, crawled under his blankets and felt trapped in his own house for the second time within a few weeks.

Lucifer was just rummaging through some papers, documents from the human world, desperate straws that they reached for to offer their favorite human the peace that was even possible in an house with seven demons.

Belphegor was only marginally aware of it, his teeth had pierced tightly into his lower lip, left a slight trace of blood and all he was thinking about was your horrified look - over and over and _over and over again_ until the first tears formed in the corners of his eyes.

You had stayed away from the meeting, your condition had only worsened for weeks and if you looked almost normal in the beginning, your sleep problems had now clearly become apparent and when you once left the room, black circles under your eyes adorned your face.

"Belphie?" Beel murmured worriedly beside him, tearing the youngest brother out of his self-destructive thoughts and it took a moment before he noticed that hot tears were running down his cheeks and dripping onto the floor.

Lucifer's remarks were interrupted by a soft sob and, as if on command, all heads turned to Beelzebub and Belphegor, the latter swallowed another whimper and buried his face in his sleeves.

"I just want Y/N to be able to live normally again", he sobbed, completely overwhelmed by his feelings, insomnia and guilty conscience, and everyone present in the room stared at him with wide eyes.

The otherwise cynical youngest brother trembled in his chair, his face wet with tears and Beel next to him looked as if the sight would tear his heart.

After some time of only hearing Belphegor's soft sobs, Lucifer cleared his throat and drew his brother's attention back to himself.

"Now that we've tried pretty much everything we know about humans and how to deal with them, there is probably only one thing left -"

He turned his gaze to Belphegor, red eyes carefully studying every inch of the trembling body. "We have to confront Y/N with their fears."

Asmodeus head snapped up. "You can't be serious, Lucifer. Have you ever seen Y/N react near Belphie? It seems to cause them physical pain to see him! Do you want to kill them?"

Mammon, too, had stood up indignantly, his hands clenched into fists, and was furiously staring at the eldest brother. "Yeah whadda ya think of, huh? As if I allow _my_ human to be around Belphie all the time, after all - “, he broke off, eyes twitching nervously at the youngest brother.

_"I killed Y/N."_

Belphegor raised his head, a few tears still on his cheeks, his eyebrows resolutely drawn.

Satan took a sharp breath, Leviathan ducked a little in his chair, and Lucifer's eyebrow twitched slightly.

"What do I have to do to make Y/N accept me?"

You were lying on your bed, your head buried in one of your favorite books.

Satan had told you that on a trip to the human world he had gotten hold of some copies of the author's books and after he made his pact with you, a few of these books had suddenly found their way into your room.

At that time, the unspoken sign of affection elicited a broad grin from you and made sure that you had told Satan about your other favorite authors every night, hoping that you would soon know your former book inventory in the Devildom.

Now you had no choice but to read the current page of the book again, the letters had been blurring in front of your eyes for minutes now.

The fact that you had only had limited sleep for four weeks in a row gnawed at your bones and slowly you started to imagine things.

For example, you were almost certain to have seen Belphegor at school this afternoon, but that could only have been an _imagination_ , because the youngest brother was still not allowed to go to school due to some legal problems.

Another fata morgana must have been Belphegor, who sat silently next to Beel at dinner.

Because of his "misconduct", as Lucifer had described it so elegantly, Belphegor has always had to announce himself before entering the dining room - according to Lucifer to avoid further "problems", but you were pretty sure that Lucifer only wanted to prevent you to flee as soon as you see the youngest demon lord.

Each of them seemed to ignore the fact that you _could stand_ to see Belphegor during the day, as long as he wasn't in close proximity to you or you were alone with him.

Because no matter how much your mind resisted it, Belphegor was also one of the brothers and you couldn't ask any of them to choose between you and him.

Not when the young brother's suffering gaze has been on you almost every day and you could hear the unspoken excuses ringing in your ears.

Whatever Diavolo and the others had discussed with Belphegor a few days ago, it had resulted in the demon now sneaking through the House of Lamentation like a shadow and appearing near you at the most impossible times - always trying to keep enough distance from you to hold while not taking your eyes off you.

But _it couldn't be possible_ that it was Belphegor who came into your room right now after a soft knock and looked at you with dull, sleepy eyes.

Definitely - it had to be another hallucination that you could attribute to your fatigue.

Accordingly, you leaned back in bed and buried your head again in your book, gallantly ignoring the hallucination-Belphegor.

After a while you heard a slight rustle and when the bed tilted slightly, the hallucination laid directly at the foot of your bed and curled up into a small ball.

_"Weird."_ it shot through your head, you would've to talk to Solomon about your hallucinations if they were so real now that they were able to move objects.

Imagination-Belphie made no sound, further confirmation that the demon in front of you just had to be an image of your nightmares.

With a sigh, you dropped a bookmark on the book page and cocked your head.

The hallucination in front of you inhaled calmly and deeply, almost as if he was sleeping and you envied him for it, it looked so tempting to just sleep, close your eyes and relax.

The longer you kept your eyes on the person in front of you, the more you felt the tiredness crawl through your body like a numbing warmth and you couldn't help but yawn loudly.

"You know, I would love to start over," you muttered, while the hallucination-Belphie was still motionless in front of you, "I would like to get to know Belphie the way his brothers got to know him. Without all this hate, without prejudice, without - "

You broke off and again your own motionless body scurried past your inner eye, which elicited a deep sigh.

"I think he and I would get along really well, but whenever I look at him I can only see the moment when he betrayed me, it's going to drive me crazy."

Your gaze wandered over the imagination and for a brief moment you form a twitch in the face of the other.

Almost as if that was actually Belphegor in front of you, who was listening to you very carefully.

"I think I could get used to him.", Your hand stroked the blanket next to you, your eyes lost in thought to an indefinite point. "If only he gave me one chance to see him, really. Like Mammon when Levi attacked me and he was afraid to lose me. I saw him there, no longer a facade, just the young man who wanted to prevent something from happening to me.”

A wistful smile crossed your face at the memory, Mammon had never completely erected his walls since that day and left more than one door in it, through which his true feelings sloshed more and more.

The same could probably be said for all other brothers, even the eternally correct Lucifer always allowed you to look into his carefully closed heart.

Maybe it was a childish idea to have something like this from the youngest brother too, but since the demon had executed you before the eyes of his brothers, you were sure to only see a shell of the real person in front of you.

Nobody could only be pain and hate, even a demon had fears, desires and hope.

It was for this very reason that you should have been pleased with Belphegor's approach, but the little voice in your head always screamed that _he had killed you_.

_He was your killer._

Whatever the reason, he had accepted to make you atone for the mistakes others had made.

You may have had your instinct for maintenance in the Devildom for the first time, but while you were able to sit peacefully next to all the other brothers, four of whom also wanted to kill you, your body refused to rest near Belphegor.

Additionally, or perhaps for that very reason, the sight of the Belphegor hallucination filled you with inner satisfaction at that moment, because it was completely unrealistic that this was really the youngest brother.

Belphegor would never go on the offensive like this and never go to your room.

Never, not in all three realms.

Your hand wandered absentmindedly to the demon's silhouette and when your fingers brushed soft curls, you flinched as if stung by a tarantula.

You really needed to talk to Solomon, because whatever was in the tea you got from the wizard earlier, it made you damn realistic imaginations.

Your gaze wandered back and forth between your fingers and the soft hair in front of you and a knot formed in your stomach.

It couldn't be.

"Y/N?", A sleepy voice mumbled in front of you and when suddenly a tail wrapped tightly around your ankle, you jumped up with a scream, the blanket got tangled in your feet and you struggled free with all your strength to flee to the next best corner of the room.

Your pulse was racing and you could swear that your heart could be heard in the human world, so loudly it drummed in your chest.

A chair next to you had to serve as a wall between you and with wide-open eyes you stared at the figure that had slept up from your bed in the meantime and rubbed his eyes in confusion.

"Y/N? Why am I in your room? ”groaned Belphegor, who obviously didn't seem to be a hallucination and slowly seemed to notice where he was.

With the chair still pressed in front of you, you backed off a little and kept your eyes on the demon.

"I-I don't know?"; you squeezed out, "I didn't even know that you weren't just an imagination of my tired brain?"

"Huh?" Belphegor didn't seem to be able to fully follow and wiped a few strands yawning from his face before suddenly stopping and flinching.

"Oh fuck! I'm in YOUR room?! "

"Yes?! That's the whole problem right now? ”, Your voice broke and the demon hit his head with the palm of his hand. "Oh god, Beel."

Belphegor sat up and half slid off the bed, causing you to raise the chair warningly off the floor. "What exactly does Beel have to do with this?"

"Hey hey." Belphie stopped where he was, raising both hands, almost as if he was showing that he wouldn't do anything. "Calm down, ok Y/N? And to answer your question - I asked Beel how he managed to get so close to you and he answered that he was just himself. "

An apologetic shrug. "And since I'm the demon of laziness, I seem to have tackled the problem in my sleep. Looks like I sleepwalked to you without realizing.”

You were about to say something, ask Belphegor why in Diavolo his body knew the way to your room in his sleep, when suddenly the door next to you slammed open and Mammon came in with the rest of the brothers in tow.

"Y/N! IS EVERYTHING OK?!"

Immediately the demon stopped dead in his tracks and a silence of great importance fell over the group.

Only now did you notice what the scene for the new arrivals had to look like - you stood frightened in your room with disheveled hair and the duvet half wrapped around your foot while a sleepy Belphegor was crouched on your rumpled bed.

You couldn't react as quickly as Mammon had changed into his demon form next to you, his voice nothing more than a rumble.

"If you touched Y/N, I swear I'll kill you!"

Belphegor, now completely awake, wrinkled his nose at the accusation and then shook his head briefly.

"Come down! Y/N is fine. It's all just a big misunderstanding."

"Ah is it?!" Satan growled now, the blonde's tail whipped dangerously through the air and only Beel remained in his human form, purple eyes wandered nervously between his twin and the others.

"Yes!" Belphie snarled, visibly stressed and pointed at you. "Do you see?! They're fine!”

All eyes were on you and overwhelmed you tried to explain the whole situation, but just when you opened your mouth, Mammon's eyes fell on your ankle.

The ankle around which Belphegor's tail had previously wrapped itself and which was still adorned with red scratches.

A tremendous growl from Mammon.

_"That's enough!"_

You had seen Mammon angry many times, but his strength and speed surprised you again and again and when shortly afterwards the second eldest brother grabbed Belphie's collar and hurled him through the room, a soft cry escaped you.

_That was wrong._

Belphegor hadn't done anything!

But none of the other brothers intervened, everyone just stared at the scene out of cool, or in Beel's case, horrified eyes and allowed Mammon to take his anger out on the youngest brother.

He had just got to his feet when Mammon took him off his feet again and bared his fangs.

Perhaps at that moment you would say that your life-support instinct had switched off again, but something inside you yelled at you, that you couldn't allow Belphegor to be injured because of you.

Because no matter how hard Mammon struck, the youngest brother didn't return any of the punches, just tried to avoid them and accepted every punch like a punching bag.

_Because he doesn't want to hurt anyone again. Because he loves his family._

The thought made you wince and suddenly you realized that this was the _real_ Belphie - the one who loved his family so much, that he was ready to wipe out an entire race.

The demon who felt guilty of having taken the most important thing in his brothers' lives.

And then your body reacted on its own - in one leap you were in front of Belphegor and just saw Mammon's claw whiz down and the knowledge flashed in his eyes, too late to stop.

But instead of being hit with the force of a demon lord, you only heard a soft whimper and felt two arms around your waist, that were surely not there before.

"Y/N what the-", Mammon's voice trembled and when your narrowed eyes opened again, you saw why.

Your body was protected by a purple and black tail and the arms behind you were without a doubt Belphegor, who had caught the blow from Mammon.

A deep cut, that would surely have disfigured your face, adorned Belphegor's tail and dark blood dripped onto the floor of your room.

"We really need to talk about your anger problems, Mammon," Belphegor growled, and only then did the white-haired demon jump forward with a shrill scream, pulling both you and Belphegor into a hug.

"Oh my - shit what - I ah!" Stammered Mammon and not a second later the rest of the brothers had joined you and were talking to each other.

Beel snatched Belphie and crushed him in a bone-breaking hug, Asmodeus and Levi tugged on your clothes, apparently to check you for any injuries, and Lucifer and Satan snapped at Mammon for attacking you.

The white-haired demon stuttered somewhat of "that you would have once again risked your life for one of the brothers" and that you would be “a stupid, life-weary human".

After the chaos subsided, you and Belphegor finally came to explain the circumstances of his stay in the room and suddenly it felt so easy to stand and talk to the youngest demon.

As if Mammon's attack had released an inner blockage, your body relaxed visibly with each passing second and you called back to your head what you had told the sleeping Belphegor earlier.

That Mammon only opened up to you after Levi's attack - apparently exactly the same thing had happened again.

The moment Mammon had hit you, Belphie had made a decision and decided for you and against his nightmares.

And in the same way you had chosen Belphie instead of your fears - at that moment you had let another demon into your heart and like Belphegor looked at you from above, with grateful, half-closed eyes, you could not expect to have to regret it .

Five weeks had passed since Belphegor's liberation and for the first time in months everything felt right again.

It would be a long way before you could trust all the brothers blindly, but after that evening you were ready to go the way and you were sure that you would not have to go it alone.

After all - you had seven brothers by your side.

It would definitely not be boring.


End file.
